No one should read this blog for a while; it's talking to myself stuff; just my way of unloading personal thoughts & feelings; won't make much sense either, but it's what I want to do for a few more days, weeks, years...who knows?
Today : no tears; worst time is the second of waking in the morning & the realization that Sunday last really happened...I'd rather not wake up.
I'm thankful that I did wake up; if I didn't wake I'd have died during the night! Not the best solution.
No tears today....that's a positive; just feeling numb emotionally; still can't think of anything else except what happened.
That will lessen each day as other things start to occupy my mind.
Went around the yard with the leaf blower/vacuum & stood in dog shit & got cranky that Jim hadn't picked it up...like it was the end of the world! Selfish bitch, Norma!
Jim is just as upset as I am & also he's nearly crippled with his knee while waiting for knee reconstruction surgery; on the other hand, it's to be expected that I'm still a bit touchy, I suppose.
I took a walk around a local nursery, looking at the plants & trees in autumn foliage...that's a positive.
Walked the doggies through a quiet pine forest...another positive.
Read & re-read all the comments on my blog & the emails...a positive thing to do for the rest of my life; because, Norma, apart from Jim, you will forever be indebted to many, many cool runners for their responses of encouragement & concern; the love & care they've shown while a fellow runner is down & grieving; no words of mine will ever adequately express how completely overwhelmed I am & how much I love & care for them, my family, in return; amd what a family they have turned out to be!
This is a more positive day, I think and, somewhere inside this despondent, depressed being, there's a brighter, stronger person trying to get out!
Tomorrow is another day.....