No one should read this blog for a while; it's talking to myself stuff; just my way of unloading personal thoughts & feelings; won't make much sense either, but it's what I want to do for a few more days, weeks, years...who knows?
Today : no tears; worst time is the second of waking in the morning & the realization that Sunday last really happened...I'd rather not wake up.
I'm thankful that I did wake up; if I didn't wake I'd have died during the night! Not the best solution.
No tears today....that's a positive; just feeling numb emotionally; still can't think of anything else except what happened.
That will lessen each day as other things start to occupy my mind.
Went around the yard with the leaf blower/vacuum & stood in dog shit & got cranky that Jim hadn't picked it up...like it was the end of the world! Selfish bitch, Norma!
Jim is just as upset as I am & also he's nearly crippled with his knee while waiting for knee reconstruction surgery; on the other hand, it's to be expected that I'm still a bit touchy, I suppose.
I took a walk around a local nursery, looking at the plants & trees in autumn foliage...that's a positive.
Walked the doggies through a quiet pine forest...another positive.
Read & re-read all the comments on my blog & the emails...a positive thing to do for the rest of my life; because, Norma, apart from Jim, you will forever be indebted to many, many cool runners for their responses of encouragement & concern; the love & care they've shown while a fellow runner is down & grieving; no words of mine will ever adequately express how completely overwhelmed I am & how much I love & care for them, my family, in return; amd what a family they have turned out to be!
This is a more positive day, I think and, somewhere inside this despondent, depressed being, there's a brighter, stronger person trying to get out!
Tomorrow is another day.....
LL, maybe next time JTI and I can cycle beside you to keep up and make sure all goes to plan. That's the only way they'll ever get me on a bike. :)
ReplyDeleteOf course, my continual need for sporadic screaming at anyone I sight in CR gear will give the bike propulsion enough to fall over.
Hello LL, This is Eddie. I keep trying to think of things to say that will ease your pain. Others have expressed themselves so well. I would just like to give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are still waking up each morning.
Owl reporting in from Melbourne...you are doing really well. Remember, there will be good days and bad days, the good days will get more frequent. It's normal to lapse into the negative thoughts every now and then. Keep reading these posts and doing things that make you smile.
ReplyDeleteYou know you've had a good day when you're happy even though you trod in dog shit. Don't you hate that! You keep expressing yourself Norma and Team Luckylegs will keep responding and trying to cheer you up along the way. Hope tomorrow is an even brighter day.
ReplyDeleteLL
ReplyDeleteAchievement isn't only about running the race of your dreams.
It's even more courageous to find a way to rise above it all when it goes wrong, as you are doing.
Remember to be kind to yourself.